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Friday, June 30, 2006
i thank you, A.
you are always there when i need you.
i hope and i am praying.
no matter what happens in future,
i thank God for a brother like you.

:D

in open fields of wild flowers
she breathes the air and flies away
someday she will understand the meaning of it all


;

Your will has been done.
i respect that and i want to accept it.
let me love and let me run.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
if i had wings i could fly
and all that i need is you
if the world caves around me
to you i still hold on

NOTHING! i am really nothing. i realised that without all these commitments, i would be running. i will be running and conducting my own disappearing acts again. i wish i knew what the next step will be.

i am really nothing and i hope You will make me everything that you want me to be. use me as Your instrument and let me find back the joy of worshipping you. i need to stand tall and i need to be more firm.

i want to run away right now but i just cant. forgive my childish ways of dealing with situations and teach me, please.

into your hands, i commit again..
i want to get the book, Night by Elie Wiesel.

watching the oprah show today on its special documentary on the Holocaust : auschwitz concentraion camp has probably impacted me in a big way. i wish i had the words to express how i feel but i just dont.

The death of one child makes no sense," he says. "The death of millions—what sense could it make? Except for here, now we know. Whenever people could try to conduct such experiments against another people, we must be there to shout and say, 'No, we remember.'" - Elie Wiesel

;

shopping with clara was fun. jeanette is going to make history on Sunday morning. (:
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
eighties celebration for pris's belated bdae. (: it was a pretty good dinner and yup, we went to take neoprints at the 9th level of cine. omg omg omg. it was so fun because they had all these props that we could use so i guess we all went crazy. (:

love. (:

;

what's left of us is this song.
Monday, June 26, 2006
4 days till the decision. i am still praying about it.

you really need a break but sometimes, circumstances just do not allow you to have one. it seems like an on going battle of comtemplating and you just dont know when to stop. it has already toppled to one side and now the balance is not there. yes, i yearn to be full again ; to be energised and to be ready for everything.

i need YOUR strength. give me what it takes to last till you say " let go."

;

whatever that is to come, i pray for a heart of acceptance. (:
Sunday, June 25, 2006
so much for the expected and so much for thinking that this year, we would be ending it on a good note. so much for expecting in a decision that you have already decided. so much for feeling hopeful that you will somehow change your mind.

so i guess i was wrong.

now, i have to face it on my own. i guess God is really preparing me to what is to come.

;

got the autograph. :D



i promise you eternally
if you promise me you'll stay
Saturday, June 24, 2006
God is good.
you know it comforts me to know that you are there still in the midst of everything. for that, i thank You and i can only pray that you will be glorified in my life forever.

psa 27:4.

this is my prayer.

;

i had fun tonight. forgetting about the concert and just fellowshipping with clara and sam. i love the carpark. i love seeing aeroplanes. it reminded me of how sue, marianne and i were on the plane looking down onto Singapore when we came back from missions. i wish i could pack my bag right now and fly away. (:

You are truly in control. (:
it is raining outside. i love sleeping when it is raining. hahah. (:

i wanted to do this for a long time but i was too lazy to do it so here goes :

Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head

1. clara
2. abigail
3. ruth
4. huilin
5. jael
6. marianne
7. sue
8. samantha
9. bu
10. jeff
11. greg
12. alvin
13. wangguan
14. lynn
15. peetard
16. yingmei
17. farisa
18. rachel
19. sarah
20. mingyan

1. How did you meet #14?
haha. jc. the funny thing was that we were in the same group but we never got to know each other well until after we left ny.

2. What would you do if you had never met #1?
i wouldnt have become the person i am today. dude, dont cry! hahaha. (:

3. What would you do if #20 and #9 dated?
erm, HAHAH. not compatible! i will FAINT.

4. Would #6 & #17 make a good couple?
girl and girl are NO NO! (:

5. Describe #3.
my badminton partner, my confidante and my good friend.

6. Do you think #8 is attractive?
YES! i love her eyes and i think she is really pretty. there is this aura about her when she dances. (:

7. Tell me something about #7
sue is probably the most hardworking person i ever known. she is super funny at night and she gets HIGH for no reason and can say the most random things ever!

8. Do you know anything about #12's family?
yup. :D

9. What's #8's favourite?
sam has too many favourites. for now, NARNIA AND NEVERLAND!

10. What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you?
ehhhhh!!! you ask him yourself. he is too secretive.

11. What language does #15 speak?
PIG LANGUAGE! kidding. she is a chinese freak lah! i think she juggles english and chinese very
well. and she understands the G language pretty well.

12. Who is #9 going out with?
top secret. (: but we all know who.

13. How old is #16 now?
20.

14. When was the last time you talked to #13?
i am talking to him right now on msn. :D

15. Who's #2's favourite singer?
i know she loves corrinne may just like me.

16. Would you date #4?
hahaha. we are always acting les when we are together anyway. hahahaha. she is my master lah! cant date her. :p

17. Would you date #7?
cannot. cannot. how to date a girl?

18. Is #15 single?
no. she is in lala-land with kimchi.

19. What is #10's last name?
xian.

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with #19?
sarah is a good catch but i am a girl. :)

21. What schools did #3 go to?
plmgps, plmgss, nyjc and now she is in sim.

22. Where does #6 live?
near east coast area. SUMMIT!

23. What's your favourite thing about #5?
easy going and funny.

24. What do you think of #18?
she is probably one of the sweetest person that i know. she makes you feel special all the time.

25. What do #4 and #19 have in common?
they both came from an all girls school.

26. What special qualities does #17 hold in your life?
farisa is probably one of my few friends that i have in NUS. we were from the same class in jc but i only got to know her when we came into NUS. we are majoring in Geog together and so, we have 3 more years together. we get along just fine and she is super smart. yes, she is my motivation. (:

;

i am finally done. HAHAH. time to sleep. (:
Friday, June 23, 2006
i had a dream about going for the concert and a whole lot of other things that i was thinking about. darn! i really want to go for the concert but there is no one to go with me. haha. gosh, so much for looking forward to it at the wrong time. i should have been worried about it one month ago. :(

put things aside : i am going to sleep.

edit 01 : new skin : http://www.blogskins.com/info/96605
so i put away my photoshop for now and it is time to watch some videos. watched just my luck with lynn today. it was a pretty okay chick flick but there were some damn lame parts which i could not stand. hahaha. (:

;

sometimes i wonder what lies ahead...

i am scared and You know that. i just dont think i can handle it by myself anymore. i wish there could be someone to help me. like what clara said, i wish i had a mentor which i could confide in.

i really need to take a break.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUILIN! (:

had a great time celebrating her bdae and we did some shopping along the way. we ate at changing appetites and we took lots of beautiful pictures tonight. ( well, including some really weird and spastic pictures attempting to fly high. )

i love KEY! (:

;

i wish i could stand tall in moments like these. only YOU know how i feel about myself and only You can give me the courage to accept.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
wg, come online soon okay? i really dont know what happened yesterday but i hope you are okay. i am sorry i couldnt be there for you when you made the decision. yup. whatever decision that you made, i respect that so dont be afraid to tell me what happened. Ha. (: take care.

;

7 of us - i am thankful because that friendship between us will never be the same with anyone else. (:

;

dont do it for me but do it because you truly want to. but i am touched that you really do look out for me. if it is time to let go, do so. because i only want the best for you and God will give me the peace to let you go. time and distance cant pull us apart as long as we have God in our hearts. i thank you for just being the person you are. you taught me to be a better person. :D
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
so i guess i am going alone this time around. it feels weird that it had to end up like this. but since i decided that i really want to go, lets hope that i do get tickets. (:

;

the donkey mentality. thank You for using me when i had nothing.
Monday, June 19, 2006
a better person - a better perspective of who i am and what i have. it feels weird coming back to singapore. it seems like i have already grown accustomed to our simple meaningful life in thailand. reality has finally sank in and i miss everything there. (:

marianne is right. it is those little things that has made this missions trip special. but it would be different from the previous, i hope. subtle and quiet changes in all of us, only time will tell.

it was those moments that made up the true me and i got to see myself in a different light. it was to be contented with the way God works in us and not how we work in ourselves. it was to be used as instruments to bless others and in turn, be blessed by God. it was then that i realised, we are really in the world but not of the world.

i wont call in a spiritual hype because i truly felt the presence of God in all of us. it was then that i realised He will continue to be real in my life too. only time will tell and you will just have to wait and see. The almighty and the ever loving God! (:

to friendships, to love, to church, to life - everything in its time.

it wont be the last from me...
Friday, June 09, 2006
i have been really busy this week. tml is another long day because of the wedding. i havent even packed for the trip so i am pretty stressed up about that. gosh, i hope i dont fall sick soon. my head feels like it is exploding. HAHA.

so i need your prayers for the next week. i wont be blogging till i come back. take care. (:
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
it is not your will but yours be done.

there are so many things planned out for this year, so many expectations and so many commitments. and everything i do, i hope that they will glorify you. my greatest honour is serving you.

so Lord, go before me and set the plans and paths only by your will and not by mine. the praying begins...
Monday, June 05, 2006
new skin : CLICK

;

i am terribly bored. :)
Sunday, June 04, 2006
i must not worry too much. there are so many things in my mind in which i really want to say but i just dont know how to put them to words. i just wish that people could just WAKE UP and be more sociable! STOP CLICKING, PLEASE! (:

i am so worried about the unity of the group. gosh, only you are in control right now? this is really not about our friends or just going there to have fun. it is really about You. i am beginning to doubt. :(

everything in its time

be glorified.
Friday, June 02, 2006
OKIE DOKIE! after a long long time, i am finally going to put back my comments box into the blog. i think haloscan templates are so pretty now so i couldnt resist! ya, so it will be here until i feel like taking it out. SO TAG TAG TAG!!!! (:

;

kbox with lynn foo was great. it was fun just singing all the sad songs and playing around in the room. i want to go back there when i am sad again. haha. i want to sing all the sad songs and feel worse. NEH! i am just weird. :p

;

yup, i am going. i talked to her for a really long time. details arent necessary because i dont even know how to explain my situation. i just need to take more owenership in my health preparation so that she will feel much better. :D

;

thanks to WG for the song!!!! you made me feel much better yesterday. (:
Thursday, June 01, 2006
gosh, the tears just started rolling down and right now, i just cant help crying.

i may have to back out of missions. ya, my sis said if my mum does not agree, i will have to back out. the missions mean alot to me but i know my mum is worried about the political stability and all the jabs that i will have to take. besides that, i am also allergic to panadol. i know she is afraid that i wont be able to take care of myself.

it has been like that for ages. and i cant believe my mum said that i am going for missions just because of my friends. that is like super hurting. only God sees the true motive on why i want to go and i wish my mum could understand more.

i dont want to say much since this is a public blog.

just pray, okay?

the tears cant stop flowing.
YESTERDAY WAS REALLY FUN FUN FUN!!! thanks to voucher queen, marianne - we watched a free movie, had free ice cream at gelare and had buffet at olive tree. gosh, i dont think i will ever eat again. i nearly died after that. (: i am so not a buffet person! i went for 2 rounds and i really couldnt take it already. haha. :D

So we went to olivetree at intercontinental hotel :



THEN CAME THE FOOD FOOD FOOD! gosh, the spread was not that good but the food was really great.



Fatigue and glutton-ness started to set in and we were like too full to talk. yup, presenting 4 ugly pictures of us. marianne, i took the pic that hid ur face the most! so dont blame me. hahhaha. (:



lastly, a group pic to end off the night.



i dont think i will ever eat buffet ever again! gosh, i dont need to eat today. oh yah, i am so happy that i slept from 11 to 11. hahha. like finally! no more sleepless nights!!! (: